MIWatch received this story about recovery from a reader in Canada.

STORMS AND BLESSINGS
THE RECOVERY OF LOU, FROM DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER

The young, sullen man leaned back in his chair, gazed at me with his moody, dark eyes, and said calmly, "You are hopeless, you have no hope."

I sat in the circle, and noted that nobody was contradicting him, even the group leaders. I adjusted my arm, which was in a sling. Underneath the sling, a bandage, wrapping the hand which I had burned the week before with matches, for about an hour, till the top of the hand had no skin left. This should have been painful. It wasn't because, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. This disorder used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, if fact, I prefer this term. Dissociative Identity Disorder, known also as DID is on the far spectrum for dissociation. Other examples of dissociation are walking into the kitchen from the living room and forgetting what you went into the kitchen for. This is fairly normal and common. Then there are the soldiers of war who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is a form of dissociation. DID is simply, getting away in your mind. It is a little girl or boy, who is undergoing trauma, creating other little boys or girls to deal with the trauma.

I had a few indicators of DID in childhood. Numbness to pain was one. Changing my likes and dislikes of food, for example saying "I love milk" one day, and "I hate milk" the next. I had imaginary friends. My diary as a ten-year old has changes in handwriting, sometimes in the middle of the paragraph. As an adult, I have severe problems with memory for childhood and adulthood.

Before the integration of my personalities, (personalities combine to become a whole person, over many years) I had many symptoms which added to the diagnoses. I had various personalities. Logic, or Louise, the depressed Host. Gypsy, a fun-loving, smoking, drinking lover of the martial arts. Ghost, a happy child who believed a person would die if they touched her. I had Dark Child who was self-destructive and responsible for the burnings. Chameleon was a personality who would assume any form she thought was needed at the time. These personalities all have a specific reason for being. They have unique qualities from each other.

Skyla, was a child with an English accent. She developed this accent because she admired an English woman from her childhood. Dark Child had backwards mirror writing. She wrote backwards. She also was autistic, I don't know why. Multiples have a variety of symptoms such as headaches, especially during switching of personalities. They have changes in blood pressure and pulse. They have items appearing and disappearing from their house. Different fashion statements, not always met with approval by friends or family. Self-inflicted violence comes with the severe mood swings and is another whole topic. It is the symptom which my plastic surgeon sent me to the psychiatrist for, and the symptom which saw me in the psych ward four times. My arms are covered with burn scars and with two skin grafts. This is very frustrating for friends and family and for the psychiatrist. How did I recover from DID?

First and foremost, I have a wonderful family, who believed me when I told them that a neighbour had abused me for years asa little girl. That is so important. Tell your story to someone who believes you. I had excellent psychiatric treatment for four years from a funny, charming irish psychiatrist who always kept a cool head even when there was a psychological hurricane happening in his office.

I had psychological help from psychologist's and counselors. I started a support group for abuse survivors in Calgary and did that for 12 years. The courage of people who came to this group was inspiring. I used artwork, music, animals, poetry, creative
writing, photography, gardening, and long walks. When I experienced terrible memories I would hug my dog Finnegan, and his sweet gentle spirit would remind me, I am not there, I am here, I am safe. I also phoned Distress Line if I had to. Sometimes I would go to Emergency at the hospital if I felt like harming myself. I would usually end up there for hours, but I would be in a safe place.

Recovery is a long process. Integration is one method of recovery. It takes years as each personality must be ready to become part of the whole. My recovery was about ten years and I have been well for about the same period of time.

Today, I am a very blessed person. I have a theatre group of people with special needs and really enjoy that. I also work with an individual with special needs. I am his support partner. I take him to various jobs and support him through the day. I have seen my husband Stan, through a five year battle with cancer. He passed on a year ago. I live on an acreage with many animals.
My faith also helps me, I go to church in High River United, in High River Alberta.

My life is full of joy. When there are storms I have the strength to get through until the sun shines again.

No, young man. I am not hopeless. I have recovered. No person with mental illness is hopeless. My blessings go out to all those who suffer from mental illness or abuse, or both. Walk in the Light.

Love,
Mrs. Lou Ross-Johns